My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
