Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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