How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
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So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
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Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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