We won't sleep together?
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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