Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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