she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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