i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize