How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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