Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
