And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
