I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize