I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
3pm strippers are depressing
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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