you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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