I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
