I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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