she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
