his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
