I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
