I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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