I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.