He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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