Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
