barbara walters just said penis...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
