I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
