I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
