just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
