I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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