I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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