My friends, they love my intelligence
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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