it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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