I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
