You're my little dorito
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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