Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
