So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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