your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
