I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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