She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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