I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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