We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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