Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
