Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
