I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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