guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
