And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
