some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
