yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
