and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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