Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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