Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
