That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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