I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
