Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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