Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
