I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Even my vagina gasped.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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