There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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