i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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