she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so let's talk penis.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
