Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
