we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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