And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
