found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
