I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
