She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
