Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
