I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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