I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Your mouth is God's brothel.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
