I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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