I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
