I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
