So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
