Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
